27 de mayo de 2013
Thoughts on...
...Involuntary movement
as the heart beats or the lungs breath, we need not to worry. We didn't choose to be born. We did not choose to exist. Existence is involuntary, will is voluntary.
Again, inertia is the first heart beat, that first moment of ignition. The spark is life. That moment of tension. Life as as process of change driven by inertia.
...Sound
when too loud it controls you. You find yourself lip syncing the song your are listening to at 90% volume. You don't question the lyrics, you just follow the beat, the movement, the rhythm. Like culture, it sometimes carries you irrationally. Do you actually enjoy that song that much or you've become accustomed to it?
Today I only have love to share. It's a beautiful day. I'm back to normal. (?)
20 de mayo de 2013
Today I've had a realisation.
I'm unhappy.
I am not who I want to be.
I have lost...once more.
Time Flies by Lykke Li sounds in the background.
Its the anthem of years and years of accumulated oppression and sadness.
They teach you that you have to suffer to be happy. That you have to suffer to be successful.
Success, money, to accomplish a lifestyle, a social status, a recognition.
To lie. To make up. To want the unnecessary.
To destroy and propose a solution for the harm you've done.
We are taught to think about the future. To think we own it.
We are told to progress. To achieve more. To show that we can, that we are better and that we can get better.
We are told to run. To run further and further, no matter who we leave behind.
We are sold fake figure of geniuses.
We are labelled, packed, marked, quantified....sold.
I am a strong believer in the present. Now it matters. Not tomorrow. Not yesterday. Not the Future. Not what is to be achieved.
What moves me is a moment full of emotion. Orchestrating these require time, and although this processes are related to money...they are independent, and because they flourish in a societal construct based on capitalism.
Architecture is very, very, very, very, vey, vey, very much ego related. Everyone is running for the new thing, for more, and more. For creative diarrhea. If we can't evaluate the quality of the ideas we present, what are we left to judge? Style.
And I am absolutely unconcerned about style.
What I have learnt with time is that Time Flies, is a longing for the lost time, and this perception of a time that is lost occurs because we have forgotten to live the present.
I am tired of doing what I do. I enjoy doing architecture, but it drains me. I am becoming what I have always fought: impolite, indifferent, uninviting...
I am behaving in a way that I cannot stand. Its awful.
Two weeks ago I was crying in front of the computer. I have lost all my eating habits, as well as my sleeping habits.
As now I am waking up as 13:00 and going to bed in disparate times every day.
I am drawing a building that is never going to be built. Drawing things that will never happen, because I am looking for a solution that is bet suited for the locals, and if money is put into building is to create a profit and not a benefit.
I have been watching youtube endlessly without leaving my my house for entire days. Later leaving my home to buy sweets to dissipate my anxiety.
Time Flies is an anthem for all the lost time. Is a mourning for all that I have been trough because of injected agendas.
I need the sun. the breeze and the fresh air.
Im at the edge of not being able to cope and wanting to trow everything out the window (if I could...)
At the same time I am afraid of disappointing my parents. I am afraid of creating too much trouble for my family. I don't want to become a burden.
I am afraid of leaving university and leading a life of unfulfilled dreams. (Again, wondering about the future...)
I am afraid of the contingency of life, and that in this contingency I might get absorbed.
I don't want to make my parents work to sustain me.
My soul is tired. I can hardly find beauty around me. I feel that I am totally out of control, and I can't stop moaning. Moaning and moaning because I feel sexually repressed. I can't dress or express the way I feel because I feel I am decontextualised, out of place. I feel I am wrong. I feel unconnected. I feel disoriented.
I am sorry to be so absorbed. I genuinely have an interest in what is not me, but when you have so many things to do, sa many boxes to tick, it you in your room. I hate being to self centered.
I know what is the perception that people have of me.
I hate this amount of self-consciousness. I wish I could regain all the time I've lost.
From the present I wave to the past-me, hoping that It will come back and regain momentum.
I feel helpless and therefore I can only ask for it to return. I feel astonishingly weak to perform this returning myself.
I just want to make clear that I love everything that moves, oscillates, vibrates, beats... there's no room for hate in me and hope every single person that saw a glance of hate, arrogance, disgust or unhappiness in my face, I hope that they forgive me, it was not me.
I'm unhappy.
I am not who I want to be.
I have lost...once more.
Time Flies by Lykke Li sounds in the background.
Its the anthem of years and years of accumulated oppression and sadness.
They teach you that you have to suffer to be happy. That you have to suffer to be successful.
Success, money, to accomplish a lifestyle, a social status, a recognition.
To lie. To make up. To want the unnecessary.
To destroy and propose a solution for the harm you've done.
We are taught to think about the future. To think we own it.
We are told to progress. To achieve more. To show that we can, that we are better and that we can get better.
We are told to run. To run further and further, no matter who we leave behind.
We are sold fake figure of geniuses.
We are labelled, packed, marked, quantified....sold.
I am a strong believer in the present. Now it matters. Not tomorrow. Not yesterday. Not the Future. Not what is to be achieved.
What moves me is a moment full of emotion. Orchestrating these require time, and although this processes are related to money...they are independent, and because they flourish in a societal construct based on capitalism.
Architecture is very, very, very, very, vey, vey, very much ego related. Everyone is running for the new thing, for more, and more. For creative diarrhea. If we can't evaluate the quality of the ideas we present, what are we left to judge? Style.
And I am absolutely unconcerned about style.
What I have learnt with time is that Time Flies, is a longing for the lost time, and this perception of a time that is lost occurs because we have forgotten to live the present.
I am tired of doing what I do. I enjoy doing architecture, but it drains me. I am becoming what I have always fought: impolite, indifferent, uninviting...
I am behaving in a way that I cannot stand. Its awful.
Two weeks ago I was crying in front of the computer. I have lost all my eating habits, as well as my sleeping habits.
As now I am waking up as 13:00 and going to bed in disparate times every day.
I am drawing a building that is never going to be built. Drawing things that will never happen, because I am looking for a solution that is bet suited for the locals, and if money is put into building is to create a profit and not a benefit.
I have been watching youtube endlessly without leaving my my house for entire days. Later leaving my home to buy sweets to dissipate my anxiety.
Time Flies is an anthem for all the lost time. Is a mourning for all that I have been trough because of injected agendas.
I need the sun. the breeze and the fresh air.
Im at the edge of not being able to cope and wanting to trow everything out the window (if I could...)
At the same time I am afraid of disappointing my parents. I am afraid of creating too much trouble for my family. I don't want to become a burden.
I am afraid of leaving university and leading a life of unfulfilled dreams. (Again, wondering about the future...)
I am afraid of the contingency of life, and that in this contingency I might get absorbed.
I don't want to make my parents work to sustain me.
My soul is tired. I can hardly find beauty around me. I feel that I am totally out of control, and I can't stop moaning. Moaning and moaning because I feel sexually repressed. I can't dress or express the way I feel because I feel I am decontextualised, out of place. I feel I am wrong. I feel unconnected. I feel disoriented.
I am sorry to be so absorbed. I genuinely have an interest in what is not me, but when you have so many things to do, sa many boxes to tick, it you in your room. I hate being to self centered.
I know what is the perception that people have of me.
I hate this amount of self-consciousness. I wish I could regain all the time I've lost.
From the present I wave to the past-me, hoping that It will come back and regain momentum.
I feel helpless and therefore I can only ask for it to return. I feel astonishingly weak to perform this returning myself.
I just want to make clear that I love everything that moves, oscillates, vibrates, beats... there's no room for hate in me and hope every single person that saw a glance of hate, arrogance, disgust or unhappiness in my face, I hope that they forgive me, it was not me.
18 de mayo de 2013
Thoughts on...
...Grindr
as a platform for a socially repressed sexuality
...Steel and concrete construction
as a fast-relatively cheap-mode of impersonal space production
...Holes
as places for the unknown, where the mysterious resides. Spaces where the mind wonders full of fear, attempting to fill them with speculation or projected ideas yet to be realized. The void is always waiting to be filled, therefore void equals materiality in the human mind
...Societal structures
if the industry equals government, taxes equals masked public business funding. Tax collection is a way of enforcing economical growth by a few trough diplomatic channels
...Architecture
if architecture aims to go against capitalism, it cannot be built or assimilated by capitalism. It need to have strategies against appropriation or access by institutions, or agents that look for the implementation of their own agendas instead of empowering the development of individual agendas by creating undefined spaces
...Undefined spaces
those spaces that are empty of content. As a green field or a pond, these spaces don't have a prescribed meaning and allow for their occupation through free-will
...Performative Architecture
if architecture is to be choreographed, it might go against the individuality of the users
...University
seem to be concerned with the production of students that can produce a consumable object or service. If our conception of the university is that of the place to think and deliberate, it cannot inject its agendas into their students. Learning cannot emulate modes of production, where evidence is collected, judged and marked. It cannot follow this system of labeling and superficial abuse.
Evidence works like medicine's attitude towards the body, it is perceived as an independent object where its workings and origins are dealt it its own terms, striping the object from its relationships and conditions
...Infrastructure
again the question of what for? or towards what? in not being asked enough. At universities the marking criteria deals with a body of work, its qualitative and quantitative characteristics. The questioning of the idea itself is absent. Infrastructure in the city works in a similar fashion. Its structure follows centers of power and displacement occurs due to a geographically specific located interest. It is aimed at the movement of productive bodies trough space, and it is not concerned with the qualitative aspects of its implementation. Devising walkways, places for leisure or knowledge is neglected and supplanted by places for consumption.
The commuter needs to ask herself/himself what is she/he moving towards, not physically but in terms of existential purpose.
Infrastructure has to be devised as an ingrained system within the city, not as an additional layer to the existing thoroughfares
...Art galleries that deal with painting
painting is a medium that has claimed many times that deals with the expression of things that cannot be expressed with words. Shouldn't the so common introductory description be challenged, as well as the title?
Why do we need such justifications? Why do we need to justify the work?
...Sanity
to comply with established modes of behaviour. Altering these conforms insanity, and is not relevant tot he realms of society as long as is not going against the foundations of society
...The plinth
in its many forms. The Dr. Martens sole, Alsop architects Ontario college project... They all exude a new attitude towards our relationship with the ground and what is romantically considered nature and our environment. It acknowledges its separation insofar as it has failed to create a stable relationship and it considers the ground as dirty and inferior. This relationship is problematic because both entities are dependent and coexistent. If this relationship is to be reconsidered, man needs to fully understand and control its environment so its existence its not threatened.
If Stelarc wants to successfully give birth to a new type of body, this body need to be able to deal with the consequences, be them environmental, psychological or physical. If the idea of a infinite universe is romantic, wouldn't the discovery of its finitude ruin the tale? Should we stay on the ground? or should we follow our abstracted dreams whichever the cost? Should we pursue the desired regardless the fear or should we listen to our intuitions?
...Autonomy
as long as the body has holes and extensions, it is prone to interdependency. Claiming the autonomy or independency of the dependent body it a fallacy
...Grindr
as a platform for a socially repressed sexuality
...Steel and concrete construction
as a fast-relatively cheap-mode of impersonal space production
...Holes
as places for the unknown, where the mysterious resides. Spaces where the mind wonders full of fear, attempting to fill them with speculation or projected ideas yet to be realized. The void is always waiting to be filled, therefore void equals materiality in the human mind
...Societal structures
if the industry equals government, taxes equals masked public business funding. Tax collection is a way of enforcing economical growth by a few trough diplomatic channels
...Architecture
if architecture aims to go against capitalism, it cannot be built or assimilated by capitalism. It need to have strategies against appropriation or access by institutions, or agents that look for the implementation of their own agendas instead of empowering the development of individual agendas by creating undefined spaces
...Undefined spaces
those spaces that are empty of content. As a green field or a pond, these spaces don't have a prescribed meaning and allow for their occupation through free-will
...Performative Architecture
if architecture is to be choreographed, it might go against the individuality of the users
...University
seem to be concerned with the production of students that can produce a consumable object or service. If our conception of the university is that of the place to think and deliberate, it cannot inject its agendas into their students. Learning cannot emulate modes of production, where evidence is collected, judged and marked. It cannot follow this system of labeling and superficial abuse.
Evidence works like medicine's attitude towards the body, it is perceived as an independent object where its workings and origins are dealt it its own terms, striping the object from its relationships and conditions
...Infrastructure
again the question of what for? or towards what? in not being asked enough. At universities the marking criteria deals with a body of work, its qualitative and quantitative characteristics. The questioning of the idea itself is absent. Infrastructure in the city works in a similar fashion. Its structure follows centers of power and displacement occurs due to a geographically specific located interest. It is aimed at the movement of productive bodies trough space, and it is not concerned with the qualitative aspects of its implementation. Devising walkways, places for leisure or knowledge is neglected and supplanted by places for consumption.
The commuter needs to ask herself/himself what is she/he moving towards, not physically but in terms of existential purpose.
Infrastructure has to be devised as an ingrained system within the city, not as an additional layer to the existing thoroughfares
...Art galleries that deal with painting
painting is a medium that has claimed many times that deals with the expression of things that cannot be expressed with words. Shouldn't the so common introductory description be challenged, as well as the title?
Why do we need such justifications? Why do we need to justify the work?
...Sanity
to comply with established modes of behaviour. Altering these conforms insanity, and is not relevant tot he realms of society as long as is not going against the foundations of society
...The plinth
in its many forms. The Dr. Martens sole, Alsop architects Ontario college project... They all exude a new attitude towards our relationship with the ground and what is romantically considered nature and our environment. It acknowledges its separation insofar as it has failed to create a stable relationship and it considers the ground as dirty and inferior. This relationship is problematic because both entities are dependent and coexistent. If this relationship is to be reconsidered, man needs to fully understand and control its environment so its existence its not threatened.
If Stelarc wants to successfully give birth to a new type of body, this body need to be able to deal with the consequences, be them environmental, psychological or physical. If the idea of a infinite universe is romantic, wouldn't the discovery of its finitude ruin the tale? Should we stay on the ground? or should we follow our abstracted dreams whichever the cost? Should we pursue the desired regardless the fear or should we listen to our intuitions?
...Autonomy
as long as the body has holes and extensions, it is prone to interdependency. Claiming the autonomy or independency of the dependent body it a fallacy
15 de mayo de 2013
12 de mayo de 2013
10 de mayo de 2013
industrial=good
automated=good
internet=bad
online=good
objective=good
subjective=good
uncomfortable=good
painful=good
awkward=good
understated=good
fake=bad
automated fake=good
objective subjective=bad
subjective online=good
online fake=bad
uncomfortable internet=good
industrial automated=painful awkward
9 de mayo de 2013
Been the happiest person for the last weeks.
I've had no sleep in order to get things done.
Still i have failed to present plans and sections in my personal tutorial.
I have failed to present clearly my ideas on the crit. My work was criticised as unreadable.
I was also preparing a presentation on minimalism, and we were told the work was not sufficient or relevant. I was ashamed for the quality of the presentation.
I was preparing for a competition called Forgotten Spaces and haven't slept for two days, well yes, 3 hours in total, and I am going to miss the submission deadline in half an hour because I wont have the time to format and put together all the work I was intending to present.
Four massive failures in a row, taking into account my portfolio submission for the first term, which was market pass. A pass that was full of compassion in my opinion.
I think I need a rest. I am completely overwhelmed. This year I have not been able to organise myself.
Good nite, or morning, or whatever the time is. It make no difference to me anymore.
Btw, I am jealous of the people who have a life. (Whatever that means)
I've had no sleep in order to get things done.
Still i have failed to present plans and sections in my personal tutorial.
I have failed to present clearly my ideas on the crit. My work was criticised as unreadable.
I was also preparing a presentation on minimalism, and we were told the work was not sufficient or relevant. I was ashamed for the quality of the presentation.
I was preparing for a competition called Forgotten Spaces and haven't slept for two days, well yes, 3 hours in total, and I am going to miss the submission deadline in half an hour because I wont have the time to format and put together all the work I was intending to present.
Four massive failures in a row, taking into account my portfolio submission for the first term, which was market pass. A pass that was full of compassion in my opinion.
I think I need a rest. I am completely overwhelmed. This year I have not been able to organise myself.
Good nite, or morning, or whatever the time is. It make no difference to me anymore.
Btw, I am jealous of the people who have a life. (Whatever that means)
